


We Are Gold, You Are Fire

by fckmuke



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Cashton in Europe i guess, Cashton in Paris, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Gay Sex, Grinding, Hand Jobs, M/M, Sub Calum, Unrequited Love, i don't know french or anything so pls don't judge lmao, so just go with it, the date/time frame probably doesn't match the tour
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-07-16 01:20:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7246474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fckmuke/pseuds/fckmuke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashton didn’t say a word, just watched the younger boy focus miserably on his sandwich. Maybe that did answer the question about the previous night, maybe Calum was feeling it just as much as he was. Did he dare bring it up? Would bringing up the suffocating elephant in the room ruin all the progress they had just made this morning in attempt to get back to their normal friendship? </p>
<p>or, Ashton and Calum hook up and struggle with dealing with it</p>
<p>or, the fic no one asked for based on Cashton's adventures in europe</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

Ashton awoke with a start at the sound of someone in his room. He couldn’t help it, he always felt like he was sleeping with one eye open, always a little worried letting his guard down in shabby hotels like the one they were in now. He sat up quickly and scrubbed the sleep out of his eyes to look around. Everything was a little blurry in the morning, with his brain not fully awake and his contacts still in their plastic container on the bathroom counter, but he could see the figure dressing in the corner, and his worries dissipated.

“Calum?” He questioned, pushing himself up on the bed further, watching his roommate spin around like a deer caught in the bright headlights of an oncoming truck. He reached for his glasses on the bedside table, pushing them up his nose to get a clear look around the hotel room. He couldn’t stop his heart from thrumming at the sight of the brown eyed boy glancing down at the visible skin of his chest where the sheets had slipped down. “Where are you going? We don’t have to leave until one.”

“Just wanted to go explore for a bit,” Calum smiled a little nervously. “You’re only in Paris once, you know, might as well go see what the hype is about. City of lights, right?” Ashton could tell that the other boy was looking for a way out. His eyes refused to travel further down than the older boy’s face, refused to acknowledge the fading marks and bruises inflicted down his neck and across the junction of his collarbones that were planted the night before. Ashton couldn’t blame him, he was naked beneath the covers, and he had to avoid thinking about anything from the the previous night to keep his dick down. He felt way too exposed as Calum zipped up his jacket over his t shirt. Maybe a day apart would be good for them, some time separated to ease the hot tension that crowded the room. However, they were in Paris, and the thought of staying inside all day with Luke and Michael, who were doing god-knows-what, was too unappealing, and outweighed the desire to curl into a ball and avoid the brown haired boy.

“Give me a minute, I want to come with you.” Ashton grumbled, sliding out of the sheets, facing away from Calum to hide his naked parts. It didn’t really matter now, Calum had seen everything the previous night and in fact was the cause of his nakedness. But he tried not to think about it too much.

With a hand hiding his junk, Ashton slipped into the bathroom to splash his face with cold water and brush his teeth. He carefully put his contacts in before finding a pair of underwear that on the floor next to him, and tried not to think about the fact that they were probably Calum’s, and his own hands being at fault for them being on the floor.

Ashton was a little surprised to find Calum sitting on the bed waiting for him, staring down at his phone as he exited the bathroom. He half expected him to have dashed out the door, but realized his thought was silly, because despite what had happened the night before, they were still best friends, still bandmates. “Is it cold outside?” He inquired softly as he sifted through his clothes. He wiggled into a pair of black skinny jeans as he waited for his answer. Ashton turned around when Calum didn’t speak, to find the younger boy’s eyes staring at his lower back. When he realized he was spotted, a hot blush spread up his neck.

“Um, yeah, I think so.” Calum spluttered, glancing back down at his phone. Ashton suppressed a smile as he turned back around to continue dressing.

The boys each grabbed their wallets and anything else they decided they would need for the day, and in the last moment, Ashton swung his nice camera around his neck before filing silently behind Calum out the door. The elevator to the lobby was painfully awkward as Ashton hummed to avoid silence, staring down at his shoes so to not see Calum scratch at the bruises on his neck in the reflection of the elevator doors.

Michael was in the lobby, munching at a bowl of cereal as his eyes focused on the television on the wall. He glanced up at the passing boys, looking a little uncertain as his eyes flickered between Ashton and Calum. Ashton’s warning glare prevented him from asking any questions. “You guys going out?” He wondered instead.

“Just a little sightseeing,” Calum replied, toes bouncing on the tiled floor as he edged towards the door. He didn't want to answer any questions just as much as Ashton. “We won't be out long.”

“No rush,” Michael called after them. “We’ve got nowhere to be all day!”

There was a black car waiting out front, and the two boys donned their hats and sunglasses to not be seen by the few fans loitering on the side of the hotel. They slipped into the back seat, hardly getting the door shut before the car was peeling away from the curb. “Where to, Mr. Hood?” The driver asked, glancing to the back seat.

Calum glanced at Ashton in question, his cheeks tinting the slighting bit to find the older boy staring back. Ashton shrugged in response. “Uh, not sure. We just wanted to explore for a bit. Maybe a place to eat breakfast first?” The driver nodded, and made a quick, sharp turn down a side road, causing Ashton to jostle towards Calum’s side, as he didn't have time to secure his seat belt yet. His shoulder bumped into Calum’s as he tried to catch himself, muttering a vulgar phrase under his breath as Calum gripped his forearm. “Whoa there,” Calum grunted. Ashton glanced up at him to find him grinning down at the older boy. Ashton’s lips upturned into the smallest smile as he felt some of the awkward tension dissipate from between them. “You should buckle up, buttercup.”

The driver soon pulled up to a little cafe, nestled between two larger buildings. It's striped umbrellas and wrought iron tables, decorated with a small mason jar packed with fresh flowers gave it a certain cozy feel that made Ashton sort of want to squeeze into Calum’s space as they sipped coffee and talk in hushed whisper, and sort of want to tell the driver to turn around and find a new place. “This is perfect,” Calum spoke instead. He nudged Ashton out first so to not step out into traffic. “You can come get us in half an hour.”

The two boys entered the buzzing cafe, the sounds of clanking ceramic mugs, low murmurs of conversation, and the muted strum of acoustic music playing on a speaker somewhere filling the air. Ashton couldn’t help but shift into Calum’s space as they edged close to the counter- it was because of the walls brimming with books and plants, as well as the large furniture filling the corners that made the room seem smaller than it was, creating the illusion he needed to get closer, cozier. Their arms bumped as they stared up at the menu, trying to decide what their stomachs desired for breakfast. Calum stepped to the counter first, ordering one coffee with cream and sugar, a hot english tea, two egg sandwiches and a chocolate croissant. He paid the tab and took a number before turning on his heels to face Ashton’s bewildered expression. “How did you know what I wanted?”

“Because I know you,” Calum replied simply. He gave Ashton a small smile, nodding his head in the direction they came. “Want to sit outside?”

Ashton followed the younger boy outside, still a little confused and in awe at his confidence. He was still feeling the effects of the previous night, the pressure in his head a reminder of the alcohol remaining in his system, and the seemingly one sided tension that still remained between him and Calum. Didn’t Calum feel it as well? He wasn’t acting like he did, and Ashton wondered if this thing- this past moment between them wasn’t affecting the younger boy as much as it was him.

Calum had chosen a small, two person table pushed against the side of the cafe. He’d already set their number down, and was fishing his pack of Camels out of his pocket to retrieve a smoke. He glanced up at Ashton, who had taken residence a table over because he hated being directly next to Calum when he smoked. The dark haired boy grinned around the unlit cigarette as he lifted his lighter to his lips. Ashton watched him take a deep inhale, his dark lashes fluttering shut over his cheeks as he retained the smoke for a couple of seconds, before releasing through his nose. “I promise I’ll be finished with this before the food comes.” He told the older boy. Despite his hatred towards the drug, Ashton couldn’t help but love the way Calum’s voice sounded after he inhaled one- all rough and scratched and deep- and the way he mellowed after a hit.

As Calum smoked, Ashton picked up his camera and glanced around at his surroundings. In front of him was the dirty street, not much of a view. To one side was other tables, some occupied with local Parisians who he didn’t know, and therefore felt it’d be awkward to snap a photo of them. On his other side was Calum, of course, looking like the prettiest thing in the goddamn world, sitting in the rising, golden sunlight with a cigarette between his fingers as he contemplated nothing and everything. Ashton lifted the camera to his eyes and took a photo, the shutter alerting Calum he’d just been the subject of Ashton’s little photography project. He was used to it- Ashton brought the camera along with him whenever they went to explore a new city, and being as the other two boys hardly joined them, he found himself the focus of many photos. “How do I look?” Calum questioned as Ashton examined the photo. The older boy looked up to find a cocky smirk on the younger boy’s face. “Like a casual Parisian?”

“More like a casual dick,” Ashton grumbled, lifting the camera up once again and snapping another picture as Calum laughed. He hummed as he examined the shot, a warm feeling swirling in his gut at the sight of his happy, beautiful friend. “Nah, you look good.”

Calum stubbed out his smoke when the waiter brought their food and drinks before taking their number back inside and leaving them with breakfast. Ashton shifted his things over to Calum’s table now that he was finished smoking, and immediately broke into one of the egg sandwiches. “Props to you for knowing what I wanted more than I knew what I wanted,” He mumbled around the food in his mouth. Calum snorted and rolled his eyes at the typical boyish behavior. “ ‘s good.”

“Yeah yeah, but you’re making a mess and you look ridiculous,” Calum retorted, trying to hide a grin behind stern, furrowed eyebrows. He plucked a paper napkin up between his fingers before leaning over the table to swipe up the fallen food below Ashton’s lip. He paused, realizing his actions weren’t entirely okay as his own brown eyes caught a sight of Ashton’s wide, green ones. He snapped his hand away and slumped in his seat, picking up his sandwich and taking a bite. “Sorry.”

Ashton didn’t say a word, just watched the younger boy focus miserably on his sandwich. Maybe that did answer the question about the previous night, maybe Calum was feeling it just as much as he was. Did he dare bring it up? Would bringing up the suffocating elephant in the room ruin all the progress they had just made this morning in attempt to get back to their normal friendship?

“Calum,” Ashton spoke, noticing the way his own voice sounded hoarse in his ears. Calum looked up meekly, like he seemed to know where this was headed. Ashton took a sip of his tea in attempt to clear the lump in his throat. “We should um, talk about last night.”

Last night. His memory wasn’t super clear after the amount of alcohol he had consumed, but he remembered Calum clearly. He recalled the club, dark and warm, with good music that made him feel happy. He remembered Luke and Michael dashing off, and Calum throwing an arm around his shoulder to bring him to the bar.

_“Lets get drunk!” Calum shouted over the music. Ashton giggled and eagerly followed the younger boy to the bar. Calum had ordered his drink for him, and pride had swelled in Ashton’s chest that their friendship was so good, they knew each other like the back of their own hands. He was already a little tipsy- the boys had passed around a bottle of whiskey after the show before deciding to come to the club. Maybe that was the reason for all the extra emotions he was experiencing._

_They had taken shots, a lot of them, before they decided they wanted to go dance. Laughing and stumbling and holding onto each other, Calum and Ashton pushed their way through the dance floor before settling on a spot that gave them enough room to move. Soon, however, more people began filling in, and the space between them got smaller and smaller until there was no space at all. Calum was laughing as he danced, his hands on Ashton’s shoulders for support or because he had nowhere else to put them. Ashton didn’t know what to do with his arms at this point, and didn’t like the way his hands kept brushing up against other people, so decided to grapple onto Calum’s hips. Someone pushed up against him from behind, knocking him further into Calum’s body. He felt the front of their jeans catch on each other, and suddenly he was dizzy with the feeling. His whole body was sensitive- he could feel every movement of Calum’s hot palms move from his shoulders up to the junction of his neck, gently gliding over the sweat covered skin there, before he wrapped his arms around to the back of his head. Ashton tilted his head down and squeezed his eyes shut, the grip on Calum’s hips getting unintentionally tighter, when the younger boy moaned softly in his ear._

_Ashton looked up, his vision swimming as he tried to focus on the dark skinned boy. “What was that?” He questioned, and maybe it was the heat or the alcohol, but Ashton swore a red hot blush had spread across his band mate’s cheeks. Calum just stood there, rigid in his arms, unable to come up with an excuse to why he had let out an actual moan. Ashton smirked as he pressed forward again, dragging the zippers of their jeans against each other. He watched as Calum’s mouth fell open, and the prettiest noise parted from his lips. “You like this, pup? You’re sick.” But despite the callout, he didn’t stop the slow, grinding movements against the other boy’s front._

_“Ashton,” Calum voiced, and if Ashton wasn’t hard before, he was now. The younger boy’s head dropped to his shoulder, and he began rolling his hips to meet Ashton’s as he sponged wet, messy kisses against the side of the older boy’s neck. “jus’ feels good.”_

_Ashton didn't know how to stop this, but didn't know if he wanted to. However, he knew he needed to at least move the situation before it got too much to handle. “Calum,” He spoke weakly, pushing on the younger boy’s chest. Calum whimpered in retaliation, tightening his hold on Ashton’s neck. “Calum, let go.” He repeated more firmly._

_Ashton felt like he would burst in his jeans at the sight of Calum as he reluctantly pulled away from the older boy's neck. His thick, dark hair was wild and curling from the humidity of the club, eyes glazed and face flushed from either the drinks or Ashton’s teasing. His arms dropped from around the older boy’s neck, but their lack of space didn’t give him the room to put them anywhere else, so his palms settled on Ashton’s chest. “I just-” The younger boy sniffled, drunk and sad from the rejection. “I want you so bad, Ash. Always have.”_

_It basically spiraled from there. Ashton had thrown caution to the wind at the dark haired boy’s remark and grabbed him by the back of the neck to crash their mouths together. Calum whimpered loudly, one of his hands flying up to cup the older boy’s jaw, his fingers brushing over the rough stubble lining his cheeks like he couldn’t believe what was happening. Ashton really couldn’t believe it either, he would have claimed it to be a dream if it weren’t for Calum’s shifting body beneath his fingertips- his hips working against his own, the rapid rise and fall of his ribs as he breathed- to give it away. Kissing Calum was different from kissing anyone else before. Ashton hadn’t kissed a boy since high school, and even then, that boy felt like kissing a girl with his bare face and soft lips. Calum was a completely different experience. His full lips were wet and chapped and tasted like the fruity concoction he shot back earlier, and the hint of scruff against his jaw bumped and scratched at Ashton’s own facial hair. His tongue was warm and pliant, and didn’t hesitate to let Ashton control the kiss._

_“Can we go home?” Calum questioned, breaking away from the older boy to gasp for air and talk in his ear, lips grazing against it as he did so. “I want to get my hands on your cock.”_

_Ashton outright groaned at his blunt words, and didn’t hesitate to call a car and push Calum into it first when it arrived. The younger boy tried to squeeze onto Ashton’s lap when they were both inside and the cab was on its way to the hotel, but his long limbs forbid it, and after bumping his head twice, he let out a loud whine. “Just wait, pup,” Ashton ordered, pushing Calum’s hair away from his face and gripping it at the roots as he stared at him. Calum whined again under his breath, and if Ashton didn’t know any better, he thought the younger boy might enjoy being the target of Ashton’s authority._

_The trip up to the room was a wild one. Once they arrived, they sped through the lobby, giggling and tripping over each other to get to the elevator. Calum palmed Ashton’s dick through his jeans once the doors closed behind them and their floor level was pressed, and Ashton gripped his hips hard enough to leave bruises. He nosed into the younger boy’s neck before biting down softly beneath his ear, wanting to leave a mark._

_Once they got to the room, the desire to wear less clothes was overwhelming. Ashton got a hold on Calum’s shirt first, pulling it over his head in one quick movement before connecting their lips for the first time since the club. His large hands explored Calum’s tanned skin, from the ridges of his collarbones, down to the soft swell of his tummy, before working at the button of his jeans._

_Once they had both discarding all clothing except their underwear, Ashton pushed Calum back to the hotel bed until he fell onto the mattress. The younger boy reached for Ashton until he got his hands around his shoulders to pull him down against his body again. “Can’t keep my hands off you,” He admitted between rough kisses, sentence trailing off into a breathy moan when Ashton pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. Ashton pressed his hips into Calum’s, reveling in the noise the younger boy made when their cocks rubbed against each other, only separated by the thin cotton of their boxers. Calum’s palms glided down his back- his fingers gently mapping out the angle of his shoulder blades, the bumps of his spine, the dimples in his back- until he got to the elastic of his underwear, and pulled it down over his ass. Then, fingers once again gently traveling over his hips to the line of hair that disappeared into the front of his boxers, Calum pulled the rest of his underwear down until it bunched in the middle of the older boy’s thick thighs._

_Ashton gasped at the new sensation, his bare, throbbing cock now feeling every bump and wrinkle of Calum’s boxer’s beneath him, as well as the shape of the younger boy’s dick as it continues to grind against him. Ashton does the same to Calum, yanking his underwear down until his cock springs free and bumps against Ashton’s. The older boy gets a hand around both of them, and the pre come oozing from both of their cocks was enough lubrication for them to slide against each other in the tight confines of Ashton’s palm. Calum was loud, moaning and gasping and whimpering in Ashton’s ear like this was the first time he’d ever been touched. Ashton silenced him with a rough press of his lips, swallowing the noises that were on the tip of his tongue. Calum’s hands flew up to his hair, gripping the long, curly pieces in the back as he rut his hips into Ashton’s hand._

_“Gonna come,” Is all Calum gets out before his hips twitch forward and Ashton feels the boy’s release all over the back of his hand. It takes that much- knowing he made the younger boy come with just his hand and dick on him, and the thought of doing so much more- until he’s chasing his own orgasm, hips rutting down into his fist against Calum’s sensitive cock until he spills over his hand. Their breathing flutters irregularly over each other’s hot skin as they come down from their high, and the moment is heavy around them until Calum is gently pushing Ashton off of him and his painfully sensitive dick with a breathy whine._

_Ashton was still drunk, but his post orgasm thoughts were always a lot clearer than before. Before, he’d been too focused on the feeling, too focused on reaching his high to really think clearly about what was going on. He’d just gotten off on Calum. Calum came from Ashton’s hand, and they kissed. They kissed a lot, and there was come on his hand and he really needed to figure out what just happened._

_“ ‘m tired,” Calum breathed against his shoulder, bare leg wedging between Ashton’s limbs. And then it was decided, Ashton wouldn’t get up to wash himself off, and he wouldn’t think about this thing, this moment, until the morning. That was a future Ashton problem, and he would cross that bridge when he came to it._

“We don’t really, it was just a mistake. We were both horny and drunk, no big deal.” Calum spoke quickly, focused on his food as he picked at the crust of his sandwich.

“I just don’t want this to affect our professional relationship, you know?” Ashton said quietly. “This can’t get in the way of us being able to perform together, or do interviews together or just be in each other's presence for hours on end or in the studio-”

“It won’t, Ashton,” Calum snapped, balling up his napkin and standing up from the table. The chair scraped against the concrete, and people sitting around them looked up at the sudden loud noise. Calum glanced around, suddenly aware that they weren’t in their own little world anymore. “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again. What else do you want me to say?”

“Would you sit down?” Ashton hissed, eyes passing over all the strangers around them as they resumed their own conversations. He wanted to make sure no one was pulling a phone out to record the tense moment between two famous band mates. Calum huffed and slumped back into his seat. “Look, I’m not mad at you for this, I acted on it just as much as you did. I just want to make sure that you’re okay and we’re… okay. Because you know that our friendship comes before anything else, right? The music, the fame, any of it.”

A mix of emotions passed over Calum’s face. From defensive, to guilty, to something Ashton couldn’t point a finger on, but the glimmer in the brown eyes across from him gave him the feeling things would be okay. He let out a sigh, then offered Ashton a small smile. “I know,” Calum murmured. “It’s the same for me too.”

When the car arrived to pick them up, things were already looking better for the boys. Ashton was happy that things were out in the open, but something still resurfaced in his mind, something that made his chest ache just a little bit more than before. He couldn’t pinpoint it, but every time he thought of Calum angry and apologizing moments ago- his words, it was just a mistake, and, it won’t happen again- another little bit of his heart broke.

“Shall I take you to the tower?” The driver asked.

Calum looked to Ashton. “Would it be too cliche to go?” He wondered with a small grin.

“I think we would regret not going,” Ashton decided. “We are in Paris, after all.”

The driver switched on the radio as he took them to the tower, and a young, female french voice played throughout the cab. Calum had a knack for picking up patterns and rhythms of songs, and soon was humming along. Ashton couldn’t help but shake his head, a fond smile playing at the corners of his lips. “Rhythm section,” Calum smirked. “Most important part of the band.”

The car dropped them off in front of the park near the Eiffel Tower with Calum’s instructions not to go far because it wouldn’t take them long to get a few pictures. They each snapped silly pictures of each other, trying to make it look like they were holding the monument in their hands. Calum, knowing Ashton’s fear of heights, didn’t pressure the older boy into going up the actual tower, and they were content just admiring the structure from afar.

“Let’s get a selfie,” Ashton suggested, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

“No!” Calum laughed before scanning the field they were in. “Let's ask someone to take it. How about her? Excuse me!”

Ashton giggled into his hand as Calum loped off to catch the attention of a young girl holding her own camera. He spoke to her, gesturing to the older boy standing a few paces away before she nodded with a smile. Calum and the girl walked back to Ashton, the younger boy sporting a proud little smirk. “Give her your camera, Ash.”

Ashton gingerly passed his camera to the smiling girl and stood next to Calum. There was about six inches between them, an awkward space that neither of them knew what to do with. Even the girl’s smile faltered as she lifted the camera up to her eye and told them in her broken english. “Uh, smile!”

“Hold on,” Ashton grumbled, holding up a finger and flashing the young girl a quick smile. He glanced over at Calum before reaching around to get a grip on his waist, tugging the younger boy into his side. A small gasp of air fell from Calum’s lips at the sudden contact, but, as if on instinct, His arm curled around Ashton’s back and settled on his hip. Ashton’s fingers anchored into Calum’s side, and he felt like he finally reached home, finally found the place he was supposed to be. The girl’s face brightened as she refocused the camera on the two of them before exclaiming, “Say cheese!” and snapped the photo. She took a quick look at the picture. “Looks very good!” She grinned as she passed back the camera to Ashton. “ _vous êtes tous les deux très beau._ ”

Ashton didn’t understand the French, but he understood the sentiment behind it. “Thank you, _merci_!” He turned back to the younger boy to find him staring, his eyes glowing with something fond, something a little shy. Ashton began wondering if his move to pull Calum closer had been out of line. “Sorry, it just felt weird to not to, y’know.”

“Yeah,” Calum breathed out. A permanent flush seemed to redden his cheeks, and Ashton realized he wanted to feel the heat of it beneath his fingers, beneath his lips. He was staring for too long to be friendly, and the younger boy was now giving him an odd look. “C’mon. The car is waiting to take us back.”


	2. Chapter 2

That night, the boys played a good show. A _great_ show, in fact, possibly their best one yet. Ashton felt on top of the world when he bounded off stage with a giddy Luke on his back and their crew cheering him on from backstage. Luke slipped down, laughing and slapping Ashton’s back, muttering something along the lines of _“good show, man,”_ before heading off to the dressing room. Ashton stood there grinning, and turned back to listen to the crowd as the fans continued to scream their names. It was maddening. It was _amazing_.

Michael passed him a beer as soon as he entered the dressing room. Ashton took it, gulping back the amber liquid before releasing a deep breath and wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. “Good show, boys!” He grinned, taking in the sight around him. Calum was still bouncing on his toes, an air guitar shaping his fingers as he jumped around to the hard rock playing over the speaker. Luke was sprawled on the couch, shirt off and hair falling across his forehead as he nursed a beer and laughed at Calum’s antics. He couldn’t believe where he was in life, in another country, playing to sold out shows with his group of best friends. He felt like he had the world in his hands.

“You too, man!” Calum shouted back over the music, feet still moving, head still bobbing. And that was something. He had Calum, a little more than this morning, a little less than last night, but he still had him. He had the other boys as well, but that was a whole different thing.

The adrenaline rush quickly wore off on the way to the hotel. He became tired, almost bone tired, to the point where he opted out of the other three’s shenanigans to retreat to his hotel room. It had been a long day, a rollercoaster of emotions from morning to night. He needed some time to relax.

He got an hour to himself. He showered a nice, long and hot shower, letting the water run over his tense muscles until he felt like he would melt into a puddle of skin and floppy bones. He turned on his portable speaker, playing some slow music while he got ready for bed. He brushed his teeth while looking in the mirror, and couldn’t help but admire his physique. Ashton was proud to say he was working really hard this tour, and it was paying off. His arms were big, his chest was firm, and his stomach was tight and hinting at a nice six pack if he continued his ab work. He couldn’t help but feel a little turned on as he stared at himself, but ended up chuckling at the narcissism of it all.

He was humming along to the music playing in the bedroom when a knock on the door startled him from his little moment. “One minute!” Ashton called, slipping on the gym shorts he’d dropped on the floor prior to his shower before going to the door to look through the peephole. He huffed when he saw who was on the other side before swinging open the door. “What do you want?”

“Ouch, rude,” Calum replied, pushing past the older boy into the room. Ashton rolled his eyes and shut the door behind him, noting how heavily Calum smelled of whiskey. “I come baring gifts.” And in his outstretched hands was the said half finished bottle of whiskey.

“I’m going to bed,” Ashton said flatly, gently pushing the bottle down out of his face. “Why aren’t you hanging with Luke and Mikey?”

“They always get super weird when they’re drunk,” Calum huffed, flopping onto the bed. “Super touchy and I always feel like I’m third wheeling. Wanted to hang out with you, also.”

Ashton hummed, watching as Calum pushed himself onto his elbows to take a swig of whiskey without choking, before falling onto his back again. The older boy allowed his eyes to trail down, admiring the tight, blue Maine shirt and how it fit Calum in all the right places, how it lifted at his hips as he sprawled out over the bed, revealing a strip of brown skin stretched tight over protruding hip bones. He was so sharp in some places, soft in the others, and Ashton realized he would have never known this if it hadn’t been for last night.

“Quit starin’,” Calum slurred, making Ashton jolt from his spot and his eyes fly up to the younger boy’s face. Both of them now sported similar red blushes, Ashton’s from being caught, Calum from receiving the attention. “Instead of undressing me with your eyes you could actually-”

“Calum, stop,” Ashton snapped. He stepped forward to snatch the whiskey from the dark skinned boy. “You’re drunk. Go to bed.” He would not let his drunk band mate try to recreate The Event from last night. Calum pouted at him, now up on his elbows again as he watched Ashton place the drink on the counter across the room.

“ ‘m not, hardly tipsy!” He protested. He smacked his lips together, glanced down at the visible skin of his torso before pushing at the top of his jeans. Not enough to pull them down, but enough to reveal the top of his briefs. Ashton gulped when he looked back up and across the room at the older boy, a fire now burning in his brown eyes. “A little horny, though. Can’t stop thinking about you pounding those drums, Ash. Every time I looked back at you on stage tonight I chubbed up a little.”

“Calum,” Ashton rasped weakly. He thought they were past this, thought they would return to the normal friendly relations they had before. Instead, Calum was staring at him like he was the biggest present under the christmas tree, like maybe he wanted to get his hands on the older boy and never let go. The younger boy’s hand rubbed over the zipper of his jeans.

“Ashton, c’mon, we already did stuff last night, and you can’t deny it, it was _good_. We were good.” Calum smirked, his palm rubbing the slight bulge in his pants.

Ashton scrubbed his hands over his face, pushing the heels of his palms into his eyes to make him see spots. “What, do you want to do it again?” He asked incredulously. He wasn’t even drunk, why was he considering this? He couldn’t deny he wanted to, deep down in his gut he really wanted to, but he really didn’t have the balls to go through with it.

“Again, more, whatever you wanna do. As long as you do it to me.” Calum responded coyly.

“I need a drink.” Ashton decided, taking the whiskey he had confiscated from Calum to take a drink himself. It burned going down, but some of the indecision he had about the whole situation began to dissipate, and a little voice in his head told him to go for it.

“I think we need to talk about this a little bit, before we get into anything we could regret,” He said, watching Calum grin because he knew Ashton was caving in. “Like, is this just because we’re horny and we’re always around each other? Will this be a reoccurring thing? What about boundaries, safewords, future relationships-”

“Boundaries, none. Safeword? How about… pancakes?” Calum giggled, ticking off the items on his fingers. He paused over the other things, making his smile falter as he looked to Ashton for help. “Do _you_ want this to be a reoccurring thing?”

Did he? Last night did seem good, but he was also drunk, and so was Calum. If they did go through with this tonight, and ended up hating every minute of it, would that ruin everything? Or would that make things go back to the way they were before when the two boys realized they were dandy as _just_ friends and band mates? “I guess we’ll have to see,” He spoke softly.

Calum gulped before sitting up straight on the bed. He pushed himself onto his knees, and his hands reached forward to tentatively lay across the meat of Ashton’s shoulders when the older boy shuffled forward, closer into his space. His eyes were dark, cheeks pink, lips bitten red- all from the desire of wanting Ashton. “Guess I gotta prove myself then.” He chuckled, his eyes flitting up to glance at the older boy’s through his dark lashes.

This was a little different. Rather than drunk and racing to reach their orgasms, Ashton was definitely sober. “What do you want?” He questioned softly, his hand reaching around to grip the back of Calum’s neck, curls of raven hair tickling the back of his hand.  The younger boy preened under his touch, and Ashton felt the flex of his Calum’s fingers against his shoulders. “Fuck, Cal, how do I- _we_ \- do this?”

“Jus’ kiss me,” He breathed out, eyes already on Ashton’s lips, pink tongue darting out to lick his own. “Figure it out from there.”

Ashton surged forward, and his lips gliding against spit slicked ones, full and chapped and bitter with whiskey. The younger boy let a noise escape him, something between a sigh and a whimper, and Ashton’s tongue licked into his mouth where the noise had come from. The kiss triggered a memory from the night before, something about Calum wanting him, like he’d wanted him for a long time.

_“I want you so bad, Ash. Always have.”_

Brown hands ghosted over the length of Ashton’s arms before slipping beneath to feel the expanse of his ribs, rising and falling with the movement of his lungs as they kissed more, longer, rougher. From there, his hands moved around to his back, before pushing Ashton forward, closer to Calum until their torsos pressed together. “You’re warm,” Calum rasped, breaking away from Ashton’s mouth to catch his breath. The older boy gripped the hair at the back of his neck to tilt his head back in order to get his mouth on the skin of his neck. “You’re- fuck- a good kisser, too.”

Ashton chuckled, pulling away from the spot he made on the side of the younger boy’s neck. “Thanks. You’re not bad yourself,” He leaned down to press a kiss against Calum’s smiling lips, and it was almost contagious, as it brought a smile to the older boy’s lips as well. He pulled back slightly, allowing them to breathe over each other’s lips before he spoke again. His lips brushed over Calum’s with each syllable. “Take your shirt off.”

The black fabric of Calum’s shirt was off in a flash when his arms crossed to grab the hem of the shirt before pulling it in one fluid motion over his head. Calum was quick to reach for Ashton again, and a soft exhale of breath pushed through the older boy’s lips when their bare skin pressed against each other.

Ashton helped Calum with his jeans by pushing him back onto the bed and reaching for the button. He pulled them down slowly while avoiding bringing down his boxers, and when the material was finally free from his ankles, he dropped the pants into the shirt pile on the floor. He paused by Calum’s thighs, fingers slowly tracing the tense muscle there, while trying to gather his thoughts and psych himself up for this.

“C’mere,” Calum panted, and Ashton didn’t realize the effect his hands had on the younger boy. Just touching his inner thighs got him all kinds of hot and bothered, and that kind of power went to Ashton’s head as he shuffled towards Calum again. “Miss you.”

“I’m right here,” Ashton snorted, leaning down to capture Calum’s lips again, going far enough to take the other boy’s full, bottom lip between his teeth. His cock twitched in interest at the noise it brought from the younger boy. While they kissed, Ashton trailed his hand down from Calum’s neck to brush over a sensitive nipple, until he reached the top of the dark haired boy’s boxers. His fingers danced over the material, getting judgement of the size and hardness Calum was at before dipping his fingers beneath the elastic band. He realized he didn’t notice last night, but as Calum was practically hairless on the rest of his body, the base of his cock was nearly hairless as well.

“Always miss you when you’re not around,” Calum rasped when Ashton’s hand surrounded his cock, giving it a few experimental jerks before tugging down the boxers completely. The younger boy was hard, throbbing for it already, and Ashton couldn’t help but moan as he spread the other boy’s precome down the length of his cock. Calum’s breath hitched before he spoke again. “Do you, um, want to fuck me?”

Ashton froze, his eyes moving from his hand around the leaking dick to the coffee colored eyes under him, wide and nervous and anticipating rejection. Calum winced at his own blunt words, as his voice sounded already so fucked up and desperate for the man above him. Ashton used his free hand to cover the younger boy’s blushing cheek, and thumbed beneath his fluttering eyelashes as he carefully picked his words. “Of course I _would_ , Cal, but,” He let out a frustrated huff, unsure how to phrase his response without hurting his band mate’s feelings. He still had a hand on his cock, and twisted his wrist to watch Calum’s mouth drop open. “We have time for that, later. Let’s just- go slow, okay?”

Calum seemed satisfied with the promise of later, meaning they would do this another time, and arched up his back to capture the older boy’s lips again. Ashton hummed against his mouth before working his hand over the younger boy’s cock again, using his thumb to spread leaking pre come over the head. “Tell me what you want, then?” Calum said, more as a question after he pulled away from Ashton lip’s again.

Ashton smiled softly, using his free thumb to pebble over Calum’s swollen lips. “Kinda want your mouth on me.”

Calum whimpered before clambering out of Ashton grip. The older boy couldn’t help but chuckle at his enthusiasm, and situated himself on the edge of the bed as Calum dropped to his knees in front of him. “Fuck, Cal,” He breathed, hands pushing through Calum’s hair to get a good look at his face. The other boy’s irises were nearly black with desire as he tugged off Ashton’s shorts, and the look of surprise on his face when Ashton’s cock sprung free without the constraint of underwear made the older boy break out into laughter.

“Coulda’ warned a guy,” Calum muttered as Ashton caught his breath. However, it was immediately taken away again when the younger boy used his wet tongue to drag from the base of his cock to the head of it, never breaking eye contact as he did so. Calum chuckled at the new breathy moans coming from Ashton’s mouth, and used his hands to work the length as he sponged wet kisses down the side.

Ashton had to close his eyes as Calum leaned forward and began to tongue the slit and swirl his tongue around the head, looking up at him with those goddamned puppy eyes of his that were far from innocent. “Fuck, Cal, you look so good like this,” He breathed out, fingers gripping the roots of the younger boy’s hair to keep his face tilted up. Calum’s dark lashes fluttered at the praise.

The younger boy took as much into his mouth as he could, and used his hand to work the rest, Ashton let his hips twitch forward, but immediately broke into stumbled apologies when the younger boy coughed and pulled back. “No, no,” Calum rasped, and continued to work Ashton’s cock with his hand. A devilish smirk tipped his lips upward, and Ashton knew this boy would then be the death of him. “You can fuck my mouth a little, I like it.”

When Ashton’s orgasm hit him, the head of his cock was trapped in the tight heat of Calum’s throat. He pulled the younger boy’s raven hair in warning, and jumbled out something like, “fuck, fuck, i’m coming. I can’t-” before the younger boy opened his mouth and allowed Ashton to pull back slightly. He came with a loud groan and a breathy noise that sounded suspiciously like Calum’s name as his load spilled over swollen lips and a pink tongue. He continued fisting his cock until he was painfully sensitive and dropped to his knees to get level with the younger boy.

“Fuck, you’re so-” He had to stop to breath. His limbs felt like liquid. “Good at that. Look at you,” His hand lifted to cup the younger boy’s cheek, and his thumb swiped along his bottom lip to collect the mess of cum that had been shot there. The younger boy took the tip of his thumb between his lips eagerly, cleaning the digit clean as Ashton watched in fascination. “So beautiful, Cal. Such a good boy.” He was babbling, the words were coming without a filter.

With the praise and Ashton’s thumb in his mouth, Calum let out a loud, breathy moan and Ashton felt hot liquid shoot onto his bare skin. He looked down in surprise to find the younger boy’s softening dick in his hands. He had been too focused on his own orgasm to notice Calum had worked himself to his own high, and violently came from Ashton’s words.

“Calum,” Ashton moaned, surging forward to capture the younger boy’s lips with his. He could taste himself on Calum’s lips, in his mouth, and it made his dick twitch in interest. His hand smeared over the come on the younger boy’s cheek as he kissed him. “Fuck, that was so hot. I would've returned the favor, you know.”

“Couldn’t wait,” Calum breathed, leaning his weight against the older boy’s chest. “ ‘m tired.”

Ashton chuckled and helped get them both to their feet. “You’re so useless after an orgasm, aren’t you?” The younger boy hummed noncommittally and let Ashton lead him to the bathroom. There, he cleaned the come off both of their bodies before giving Calum one last tender kiss, his now wet but clean cheeks between his large hands. “Time for bed.”

Ashton released the younger boy and padded to the bed before sliding beneath the sheets with a sigh. He was tired now, almost as bone tired as Calum was. His eyes fluttered shut until movement beside him made his eyes open again. Instead of the younger boy gathering his stuff and heading to his room down the hall like he thought he would, he was climbing into bed with Ashton, wearing nothing but a pair of Ashton’s clean underwear. Calum immediately latched onto Ashton when he was settled beneath the covers, and nuzzled closer until his face rested in the crook of the older boy’s armpit and his arm was tight over Ashton’s torso.

“Calum?” Ashton spoke after a moment, interrupting the comfortable silence that had filled the room. The younger boy hummed against his shoulder to acknowledge that he’d heard him, despite the fact that he was almost asleep. Ashton shifted his body, hoping to get out of the grip Calum had around his torso. “You have your own room, you know.”

“You’re kicking me out?” He slurred, lips pursed and eyes still shut as he shifted closer to Ashton. “Even though I just made you cum?”

The older boy snorted before settling back into the pillow, and let his arm that Calum was laying on circle around the younger boy, until he had him in a tentative cuddle. All he had to do was turn onto his side and they would be fully enveloped in each other. His heart thrummed wildly in his chest, and a small voice told him to stay put.  “No, guess not.”

“Good,” Calum sighed, puckering his lips just the slightest to press against the closest bit of Ashton’s skin in a half assed kiss. It made the older boy smile just a little. “Goodnight, then.”

 - 

The next morning Ashton couldn’t bring himself to get out of bed. It was too warm, in the bed and inside his body, like he’d just consumed hot tea. The room was still dark, so every time he woke up, he thought he had more hours of sleep and promptly nestled back into the pillow.

It was until someone was banging on the door did he shoot up, instantly awake and surprised. He scrambled out of the bed, but his leg was caught in the sheet, making him trip and catch himself with his hands on the floor. He untangled himself before hurrying to the door and swung open the door mid knock.

“Michael?” He asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes before scowling at the boy on the other side of the door. “What the fuck, man?”

“Dude, it’s almost noon. We’ve gotta go in less than an hour.” The younger boy told him, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. He tried to look past Ashton into his hotel room. “Have you uh, seen Calum?”

Ashton froze and turned back to see the younger boy still somehow asleep in the bed, arms sprawled over the white sheets in Ashton’s absence. He slowly turned back to Michael and tried to calm his beating heart. “Yeah, uh, he’s in here. We’ll meet you down in the lobby in twenty minutes.”

Michael looked like he wanted to say something else, but Ashton promptly shut the door in his face. He let out a deep sigh as he leaned against the cool wood, before he pushed himself off and slowly made his way to the bed.

He discovered the heavy blinds had been shut last night, which was the reason he had slept so late. He glanced down back at the sleeping figure in his bed, and his eyes went a little soft at the sight. The younger boy was on his tummy, on hand under his head, the other over the space Ashton had been in. His long lashes twitched against his cheek as he slept, and Ashton didn’t have the heart to wake him. But band matters came before everything, so he knelt down to gently nudge Calum’s shoulder. “Hey man, wake up.”

The dark haired boy shot up instantly, like his body realized he had slept longer than normal. Ashton fell back onto his ass in surprise, watching as Calum looked around the room before looking down at Ashton’s surprised expression. He immediately smiled sheepishly. “Sorry. Got that feeling I slept through something.”

Ashton chuckled, easing himself back onto his feet as Calum fell onto his back on the bed again. “You did. We slept through half the day. We have to leave in less than an hour.”

The younger boy pouted as he scrubbed a hand over his face and through his wild curls. “Damn. Okay, well, I need a shower.”

“Me too,” Ashton said, already heading to the bathroom. “So, go to your room and shower and then meet the rest of the gang downstairs.”

Ashton switched on the hot water before padding out of the bathroom. Calum was still wrapped in the sheets, this time sitting up, unconsciously rubbing at the marks on his neck. A blush bloomed over Ashton’s cheeks at the sigh, knowing he was the one to put them there. One of Calum’s eyebrows were raised, almost in disbelief. “Wow, and here I was thinking we were going to save water. I’ll give you a handjob if you wash my hair?”

The older boy couldn’t help but snort, and shook his head as Calum eased out of bed and gathered his clothes in his arms. He helped push the younger boy in the direction of the door despite his protests, and once Calum was on the other side of the threshold, Ashton captured his forearm and tugged him back against his chest. The dark skinned boy hummed like he thought he would get his way. Instead, Ashton brushed his lips along the shell of his ear before whispering lowly in his ear. “You better hurry to your room, don’t want anyone seeing you in your underwear now, do we?” Before giving his butt a prompt smack and shutting the door with a snicker.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> srry this was basically all smut anyways the plot will thicken next chapter !! talk to me on my tumblr @ blesshemmings :-)


	3. Chapter 3

It was almost like a spell had been broken when the tires of the 5 Seconds of Summer bus crossed over the Paris city limits. Gone was the feeling of foolish desire- it was left behind in the sheets of the hotel bed like a lone sock or a past lover. Either way, Ashton couldn’t place the emotion swelling in his chest as he watched the bustling city disappear through the windows of the back of the bus until the city of love was out of sight. 

His thoughts were interrupted when the door to the back lounge opened and in shuffled a sleepy Calum, donned in loose black sweats and one of their own merch shirts. He smiled at Ashton with droopy eyes and wild bed hair before making his way over to the side of the couch the older boy was occupying. Ashton easily intercepted the younger boy’s broad frame under his arm when he shifted close into Ashton’s side. “Good nap?” He murmured, staring down at the dark headed boy as he got comfortable against Ashton’s shoulder. 

“Yeah, fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow,” Calum replied, voice thick with sleep. 

This wasn’t anything new. Calum’s two most common activities on the bus were sleeping, and leeching onto his band mates’ for warmth when he wasn’t tucked beneath his blanket. Whoever he could find in a comfortable place, he would instantly be at their side, wedging his cold hands between their warm limbs and making his body as small as possible while leaning into their natural heat. 

“What are you doing?” Calum asked after a moment when he realized Ashton had been sitting by himself in the quiet lounge. 

Ashton lifted the shoulder Calum wasn’t occupying in a shrug. “Dunno. Thinking, I guess.” 

“What about?”

Ashton tilted his head down to find the younger boy staring up at him earnestly. His dark eyes were big and curious, and the older boy couldn’t help but smile just the slightest at his resemblance towards a small pup. His smile quickly faded when he tried to word his answer. “Everything. The band, the fans, us and this-  _ thing _ .” 

“A good thing,” Calum insisted. 

“Yeah but,” Ashton sighed, and shifted his body away from the younger boy. Calum’s face dropped when he realized Ashton was slipping away from him. “I’m just not sure about it, Calum. If this got out, what would the fans think? What would Luke and Michael think? We could lose everything we worked for.” 

“So we don’t let it get out,” Calum said. “We can both keep secrets.”

Ashton huffed in frustration. He rubbed his hands over his eyes until he saw spots before taking a deep breath to speak again. This time, his voice was low, almost hard to hear. “I don’t know why you’re so insistent about this. It’s just sex stuff, you-  _ we _ can get any girl we want, honestly.” 

“Because maybe I care about you and our image?” Calum exclaimed, voice rising with anger. “Because this  _ thing _ we had was good and nice and maybe it felt good to do stuff with someone I trust, you know? How many times have you taken a girl back to your room and had to take her phone to make sure she didn’t, you know, take photos and stuff? All the time, Ashton. We can get any girl, maybe guy, who fucking knows, but it’s hard to find someone who would want to be with you if you didn’t have the money or the fame.” 

“Would you keep your fucking voice down?” Ashton snapped. He sat in silence for a minute to make sure he could still hear the music playing behind the lounge door. Luke and Michael were sleeping last time he checked, but they could easily have woken up to hear the two boys fighting. 

“Just tell me what you want to do,” Calum finally said. He was staring at a spot below Ashton’s head to avoid the older boy’s eyes. “I don’t want to do this if you don’t.” 

The blonde sighed. Of course Calum was putting this all on him now. “I just think we have to much to lose.” 

It was decided. Ashton was choosing the fame over friendship. He watched Calum’s jaw tighten and his brown eyes finally flickered up to meet his. Gone was the soft, innocent gaze the boy held before. “Fine.” 

Ashton didn’t say a word when Calum pushed the button to open the sliding door to leave Ashton alone in the lounge again. 

-

Their show in Antwerp wasn’t great. Calum fumbled over some of his solos and Luke’s voice was rough with oncoming sickness. Ashton pounded the drums like he was trying to beat away his issues, like maybe his fear and discomfort was on the end of his sticks and would get smaller and smaller with each hit. It didn’t really work. 

His effort into his drumming that night left him exhausted as he lumbered off stage, and he allowed his body to be directed by the crew to go back to the dressing room to change, then into the bus for the night. He crawled into his bunk immediately after shedding his clothes, and ignored Luke’s timid request to hang out in the back lounge. After laying in silence for a moment, he decided to compose a tweet about the show before shoving his phone beneath his pillow and fell into a fitful slumber. 

-

Calum surprised them the next morning at breakfast with a request. “I want to play ‘If You Don’t Know’ tonight,” He stated. 

Ashton nearly choked around his tea, and the rest of the boys went silent as they stared at Calum in bewilderment. The brown boy was determined, and stared back at them hard. Michael was the first to speak up. “We haven’t practiced that one, though.” 

“So? We’ve got all day. We’ll practice bits here and there then do the full run through at soundcheck,” Calum shrugged like it was nothing. He went back to eating his food. 

“Why now?” Luke questioned after a pregnant silence. 

Ashton’s throat caught in his chest when Calum looked directly at him before replying to the younger band mate. “Dunno, reasons.”

The other two boys agreed without consulting the oldest member. They didn’t see a problem with it, in fact they were excited, and immediately went to recall the song and their solos. Ashton sat in stunned silence while he stared at his food, trying to decipher what this meant, and if this had anything to do with him. All he could remember was Luke’s voice:  _ if you don’t know, let me go.   _

He stood up quickly, startling his bandmates with the sudden movement. He realized he wasn’t alone, and wasn’t just in his head. “Sorry, I uh, don’t feel great right now.” He mumbled before pushing away from the table and storming down the hall, despite his band mate’s calls for him to come back. 

Someone found him in the bathroom, but he didn’t look up to see who. His knuckles were white against the counter, and his shaggy blonde locks hid his eyes from the intruder in the mirror. “Ashton?” The person asked. It was Luke, of course it was Luke. “Are you okay?” 

The younger boy approached him and laid a hand on his tense shoulder. Ashton sighed deeply before glancing up, finding the curious, bright blue eyes in the mirror. “Yeah I’m just- it’s the song- I mean, it’s Calum, I don’t know.” He didn’t realize his breath was coming out in pants until he heard it interrupting his words. 

“We can tell him we don’t want to play the song, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Luke said softly. “I know you could do it, though, if you tried.” 

“It’s not that,” Ashton huffed, pushing away from the sink. Luke shrinked aside when the older boy paced to the wall then back to the counter. He threw up his hands. He probably looked like a maniac, going crazy without a word coming out of his mouth. He finally froze, and sank down to the floor against the wall of the bathroom stall. “It’s really complicated.” 

He watched Luke’s socked feet shuffle closer before the taller boy dropped to the floor in front of him. He put his scruffy chin in his hands. “You can tell me, if you want.” 

Of course Luke was the one to come find him. Of course he was the one to stay, to make sure he was okay. That’s the way Luke always was, as he was the youngest, he felt the need to make sure everyone was feeling good, that nothing bothered them in their times of loneliness. Luke was always the shoulder he could lean on, always the warm arms he could find in a hotel bed, always a listening ear to hear his problems. Ashton’s lips upturned in a small smile before he let out a sigh. “Okay. But uh, don’t judge.” 

“It was the first night in Paris,” Ashton began. “When we went to the club. Uh, me and Cal drank like, a lot, then decided to dance. I don’t know what happened but-” His throat went tight, and he felt his face go hot. It was one thing to act on his feelings, it was another to admit them in the harsh light of the venue bathroom. “We kissed-”

“You and Calum?” Luke gasped, as if that was the worst of it. Ashton nodded numbly. Luke tried to hide his surprise behind a solemn expression. “That’s okay man, I mean, we all do dumb stuff drunk-”

“That’s not all. We went back to the hotel and got off on each other and stuff and I don’t know!” His head banged back against the bathroom stall. “I thought that was it. We woke up the next morning and talked about it and it sounded like it was all a mistake but then last night he came to me again and… we did it again.” 

Luke was silent as he pondered Ashton’s situation. The older boy refused to acknowledge he was even in front of him- he was too caught up in wallowing in his own embarrassment and heartache. “So where do you guys stand now? Friends with benefits kind of thing?” 

Ashton shook his head. “No. I called it off this morning. The risks are too high, you know? I didn’t want you or Michael or the fans finding out about this. It could ruin everything.” 

“You know me and Michael wouldn’t care, right?” Luke asked calmly, dropping his hand comfortingly onto Ashton’s ankle. “And when it came down to it, our true fans wouldn’t care. As long as you two can still put out music, you can… be together.” 

“We don’t want to be  _ together _ together,” The older boy said. “He just wants sex.”

One of Luke’s eyebrows raised in question. “Ashton. Have you heard ‘If You Don’t Know’ before? If you’re the reason Calum wants to play that tonight, then it’s more than just sex.” 

Ashton was stunned into silence. He never in a million years would have considered Calum’s feelings were more than the lonely need for another warm body. He began shaking his head. “I don’t think so, Luke, I mean, we’ve been bandmates for five years there’s no way he could like _ like _ me all this time-” 

“You’d be surprised,” Luke smiled wistfully. He began to stand up and head to the door, before turning back to Ashton again. “Calum’s been my friend for as long as I can remember. I know him like the back of my hand. I think you two have got some things to talk about.” 

With that, Ashton was left in the silence of the empty bathroom, his legs and ass numbing against the cold tile, his mind racing with new information. Could Calum possibly want Ashton for more than what he could physically offer? Ashton treated him like shit, shutting the younger boy down every time he came to him- would Calum still want him now? He thought about the song again, the words, the meaning.  _ If you don’t know, let me go- _ it was Calum’s last attempt. He had a history of inability to speak his thoughts and emotions, and was always turning towards music. This was another one of those times, Calum chose the most fitting song to convey his feelings to all but scream at Ashton to make up his mind, take him or leave him. 

  
Calum was in love with Ashton. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i lied this is mostly smut too but pay attention to the eeeeennnd :-)

“Calum. That was so fucking awesome!” Michael shouted, throwing his arms around his younger friend in a tight, giddy hug. Calum giggled when his feet lifted off the ground, and his flushed cheeks reddened even more with the praise. “That was such a good call, man. Everyone was singing so fucking loud. That was amazing.” 

Ashton couldn’t argue. ‘If You Don’t Know’ was a hit- the fans went absolutely insane when the beginning riff echoed across the arena. Luke’s vocals sounded amazing, and Calum’s solo- man, Ashton could have gone deaf from the cheers he got from that. 

The band made their way to the dressing room, the three younger boys giddy and bouncing around each other as they discussed the highlights of the show while the eldest held back, loitering as Luke and Michael filtered through the door. “Calum,” He called, watching the way the younger boy tensed before turning around slowly. “Can we talk?”

Calum followed Ashton down a dark hall until the noises of the crew and other two boys couldn’t be heard. They stood in front of each other, hearts beating fast and breath still returning to normal after the adrenaline of the show. Calum’s eyes were back to big, earnest brown as he waited for the older boy to speak. “I have to ask about the song.” 

“It was for you,” Calum told him, as if it were no big deal.

“So you’re still trying,” Ashton sighed, but the corner of his mouth lifting into the tiniest smile. If it was anyone else, they wouldn’t have caught it, but Calum noticed the change of mood. He wasn’t the reserved boy from before. 

Calum’s lips kinked up into a small, nervous smile, mirroring the older boy in front of him. “This was my last attempt, I swear. If you want me to stop, I’ll never ask again. We’ll go back to being just friends, just band mates, and pretend the past couple of days never happened.” 

“That was a very grandiose gesture,” Ashton mused, stepping closer to the younger boy. His hands tentatively reached out to grapple Calum’s shirt in his fist in order to pull him closer to close the distance. 

“Told you I had to prove myself,” Calum’s voice was nearly gone as he spoke in a whisper, his eyes nearly black as he stared down Ashton’s lips. They were so close- if he were to exhale the huge breath of air he was holding in his lungs, it would wash over the older boy’s mouth. His dark eyelashes fluttered shut when Ashton finally leaned in to ghost his lips over the side of Calum’s- not quite a kiss, but something. “Please don’t push me away again.” 

“I’m sorry,” Ashton murmured, pulling back in order to look Calum in the eye. The younger boy’s dark eyes opened again, confused by the absence of lips on his face. “I was a major dick to you.” 

“Just kiss me, please,” Calum requested with a growing smile. “And I’ll forgive you.” 

They made plans to meet in Ashton’s hotel room that night once they left the venue. Michael was confused at their sudden best friendship again, but didn’t question it as the previous days of tension had been taking a toll on the entire band. “I’m glad to see things worked out,” Luke whispered to Ashton when Calum was busy with food. Ashton turned to him to see the younger boy smiling happily. “Calum’s happy again, you’re happy again- it must’ve worked out, right?” 

“Yeah, I guess it did,” Ashton responded softly, glancing at the dark skinned boy over Luke’s shoulder. Calum looked back, like he could sense eyes on him, and offered Ashton a smirk. The older boy rolled his eyes in response. 

Ashton was looking at the clock when Calum knocked on his door. He tried not to seem to eager to answer the door, but couldn’t help the skip in his step to get there in a hurry. As soon as the door was open, Calum was surging in, all but slamming the door behind him to get his hands around Ashton’s face. 

“Hi,” He breathed out before connecting their lips in a kiss like he’d been depraved of them all his life. 

Ashton’s smile grew as he pressed the younger boy against the door. “Hi yourself.” 

They kissed innocently until Calum pushed his hips into Ashton’s, making the older boy groan into his mouth. In retaliation, Ashton found the younger boy’s hands and pinned them against the wood before slowly grinding his crotch down against Calum’s. “Oh god, please,” The dark haired boy rasped. 

“Tell me what you want,” Ashton murmured, trailing his lips down the length of Calum’s throat. His cock was chubbing up quickly in his jeans, and by the feeling of the bulge pressing against him, Calum was too. The younger boy simply whimpered in response and grinded forward feverishly. “Use your words.” 

“Want you naked,” He gasped as Ashton scraped his teeth beneath his ear. “Want something inside of me.” 

Ashton brought him to the bed before unceremoniously dropping down onto the mattress, pulling Calum with him. The younger boy immediately shifted closer until he was straddling Ashton’s lap, close enough to continue the slow, grinding motions of their two fronts together. Ashton got a firm grip on his ass to assist him as they connected their lips in a heated kiss. “You need these off,” Ashton grumbled, tugging at the waist of Calum’s jeans. The younger boy was quick to slide off in order to get them down his long legs before helping Ashton with his, leaving both the boys in their underwear and t shirts.

“Oh god,” Ashton breathed out as soon as Calum dropped his weight back into his lap. Their cocks now dragged against each other, only separated by the thin, flimsy material of their boxers. Despite the material, Ashton could feel every ridge of the younger boy’s hard length. His hands ghosted down the other boy’s ribs, over the curve of his waist and hips until they rested on the band of Calum’s boxers. His finger dipped inside, just enough to feel the swell of his ass, and remained there as their grinding continued. 

“Ashton,” Calum moaned. “Do something.” 

A switch went off in the older boy’s mind, causing him to flip the boy on top of him until he was beneath him, back against the mattress, staring up at Ashton with big, blown out eyes. He briefly kissed Calum’s swollen lips before sponging his mouth across his cheek to his ear. “Do you have lube?” He murmured, letting his teeth graze Calum’s skin. 

“Little black bag in my suitcase,” Calum gasped, fingers twitching to grab Ashton’s shirt when he pulled away, like he didn’t want him to leave. He let the cotton slide through his hands though, allowing Ashton to go grab the lube. 

When Ashton returned to the bed, Calum had peeled off his shirt and reclined back onto the bed while subconsciously pebbling his fingers over his nipples. He smiled when the older boy settled his weight back over him. “You look good, Cal,” Ashton grinned, pushing his nose into Calum’s cheek in an attempt of affection. His brain was all over the place, but he knew one thing needed to happen. “Need these off, though.” 

In one swift motion, he had Calum’s boxers off. The younger boy’s cock rested hard against his stomach once it was free, the tip already an angry red. Ashton recalled the way Calum had unhesitatingly dropped to his knees the other night to get him off, and figured he should return the favor. His mouth dragged over Calum’s torso, tongue flicking teasingly over his pert nipples, before slowly sponging kisses down his stomach where his dick lay. 

The noise Calum made when Ashton finally got his mouth around him could have had Ashton cumming his pants. He had little experience sucking cock, but went off of what he thought felt good, and avoided putting his teeth on the younger boy. He got a grip around each of Calum’s knees and pushed them up until his feet were planted on the bed before feathering his fingers around the soft skin of his inner thigh- all while slowly bobbing his head up and down the length of his dick. 

Ashton lifted his lips off the younger boy to find the lube. Quickly, he drizzled it over his fingers before returning his mouth to the head of Calum’s cock. He could taste the beads of precome dribbling from the tip, and focused on flicking his tongue around the source as his fingers traveled beneath Calum’s balls. 

“Relax,” Ashton breathed, working his hand over the other boy’s cock as he rested his jaw. He turned his focus to his fingers that had just begun circling Calum’s hole, gently prodding until his first finger was pushed into the second joint. “Tell me what you’re feeling?”

“Good, fine,” Calum responded quickly. “You can do more.”

Ashton worked slowly until he could easily fit two fingers into the boy. Then, he returned his mouth to Calum’s dick and began searching for his prostate deeper, while spreading and massaging his inner walls. His goal was to make him come on his fingers, but he wanted to draw him out, to see how long he could stay on edge. 

Calum was a mess when Ashton finally found his sweet spot, his low, constant groaning was cut off with a sharp cry as his hips lifted off the mattress in order to push Ashton’s fingers back on the spot. “Stay still,” Ashton instructed lowly, pushing Calum’s hip down harshly. When the younger boy finally settled, he thrusted his fingers back in sharply, hitting the spot. 

“Ashton,” Calum’s voice was so fucked out when Ashton dragged his tongue down his length, his fingers still working into the younger boy. “Wanna come.” 

Ashton stopped hitting the spot that had Calum’s hips twitching up with every thrust, and only pushed in shallowly. “Not yet,” He murmured. 

It continued like that for a while: Ashton pressing into Calum’s prostate until he was on edge, then pulling back to hardly giving him anything. After many rounds of this, Calum’s mouth was never shut- whether it was moans or whimpers or begging to come, his sweet, fucked out voice filled Ashton’s ears. Then, in the midst of of all this, his lips surrounding Calum’s cock, his fingers deep inside him, he remembered his conversation with Luke. 

_ “It’s more than just sex.”  _

He wanted to hear it from the younger boy himself- if, after all this time, there had been something deeper than the surface of their friendship. If each of their hugs, or late night cuddles, or song lyrics held a little bit more than Ashton could never understand. If-

In the midst of Ashton’s distraction, he had forgotten to pull away when Calum was on the edge, and the younger boy’s loud cry brought him quickly back to the situation. “Ashton, I’m coming,” He whimpered, hips lifting with every push of Ashton’s fingers. It was too late to pull him back, so the older boy decided to work him through it by bobbing his head quicker down his cock and pressing his fingers repeatedly against the younger boy’s prostate. Ashton pulled off when the other boy’s dick twitched in his mouth and shut his eyes as his lips were painted with white spurts of come. 

Calum’s chest heaved with labored breath and soft whimpers escaped his lips when Ashton pulled his fingers out. He left the younger boy on the bed to finish himself off into his fist, wash up, and grab something to clean Calum before returning. He shushed him when a whine filled the silence as Ashton wiped off his cock. “You’re okay, you did so good,” Ashton smiled. 

When both boys were finally tucked into bed, Calum rolled onto his side with one of Ashton’s arms in tow, encouraging the older boy to spoon him. “That was so good,” He sighed, nuzzling his face into the arm tucked beneath his head. “So, so good.” 

Ashton was silent as he stared down at the younger boy in his arms. Calum’s skin, dark like milky coffee, was still flushed from the intensity of his orgasm. “Wait, didn’t even get you off!” Calum noted with a sleepy blink, turning his head to look up at the older boy as his hand fumbled for his now soft dick beneath the sheets. 

“It’s fine,” Ashton laughed, pushing Calum’s hand away. “Got off in the bathroom.”

Calum let out a little huff with a pout before rolling back over to resume their cuddle. Ashton hesitantly leaned forward, letting his nose brush up the length of the back of the other boy’s neck. He wanted to ask him about what Luke had told him, but was afraid. What if Luke was wrong? Ashton would look dumb, and everything would get incredibly uncomfortable again. 

“Hey Calum?” Ashton asked, hoping that in the time he was hyping himself up to speak, the younger boy had fallen asleep. Unfortunately, Calum hummed, urging the older boy to continue. “This is just sex, right?” 

The world stopped spinning for a moment as he waited for an answer. Calum went tense in his arms, and suddenly his head weighed tons against the older boy’s arm. Two things could happen: Calum could agree, and they could continue with this little friends with benefits thing, or Calum could disagree, and they could become something greater. Ashton didn’t know which one he wanted. 

“Yeah, ‘f course,” Calum finally said, muscles loosening once again, head relaxing against Ashton’s arm. 

Then it was decided, and Ashton was a little relieved. If Calum had actually had feelings for him, it could have been messy. They would have to deal with the fans, with management, with everyone in the whole entire world focusing on the two pop punk artists relationship and Ashton didn’t know if he was ready for that kind of spotlight, if he even wanted it at all. 

But some little painful pin point in his chest made him wonder if he was wishing for Calum to pick the other side all along. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

“You were wrong,” Ashton told Luke the next morning, sliding up to him in the catering line. Luke spun to face him, confusion apparent on all of his features. “It was just for sex.” 

-

The two bandmates continued their secretive escapades for a while. One would find the other after the show and give them a taste of what would come later in a secret corner of a closet or dark hallway, before they would return to the other half of their band, like the messy hair and kiss swollen lips weren’t obvious. It was fun and (relatively) safe and it took off the bitter edge that came with not having someone to get off with. 

It had been a few days since the boys got to stay in a hotel. The cramped bus life was taking a toll on all of them, leaving all four boys tense and grumpy. Especially Calum and Ashton, who ached for each other, but could never get enough time alone to give each other more than a few rushed kisses (which sort of went against the whole “just sex” thing. Neither of them brought it up) and the occasional grope, as if to show what they would get when they finally did reach a hotel. 

The day came in Berlin. The bus arrived at the venue early in the afternoon, giving the boys time to work out and eat before the show later that night. The promise of a night of privacy left Calum and Ashton on edge, as they were both eager to pounce each other once the hotel door locked behind them. The show was electrifying, as Ashton could hardly keep his eyes off Calum as he jumped around, sang and played. Then came their break before Jet Black Heart, and all four boys rushed off stage with beating hearts and face splitting grins as the roar of the crowd beckoned them back. Michael and Luke raced to the toilet, leaving the other two catching their breath side stage. 

“Hey,” Calum said, louder than normal to speak above the roar outside. His eyes flitted around their proximity as he stepped closer to Ashton. Without warning, he surged forward to press his lips against Ashton’s, and at the same time, reached down to grip the older boy’s cock through his jeans. Ashton gasped loudly. “I want  _ this _ later.” 

The older boy couldn’t do much in retaliation, just stood with a dropped jaw and watched Calum step back and hide his smirk behind a drink from his water bottle. Too soon, Michael was running back and past them to the stage and Ashton could hear the countdown faintly behind him, warning him of the mere seconds Michael had to start his intro to the song. 

Calum got what he wanted later that night. After the rest of the show, showers, and a tense ride back to the hotel, Ashton lead Calum to his room with a heavy hand on his lower back. Once the door was shut behind them, clothes were shed, and Calum rushed to kiss the older boy like it had been years. 

“Missed you,” He gasped as Ashton worked the button of his pants open. 

“Mm, missed this,” Ashton smirked once he has Calum’s jeans down to at least mid thigh. His large hands gripped the younger boy’s ass roughly when he leaned in to kiss Calum’s open mouth. 

“Tell me what you want,” Ashton requested later, nipping Calum’s bottom lip. They were both naked on the bed, cocks lazily grinding together from where they were pinned between Ashton’s body blanketing Calum’s. They were in no rush at this point, like the urgency from earlier had faded. They wanted to savor the time they had in this hotel room. Ashton already knew what Calum wanted after he made it so explicitly clear early, but he wanted to hear the younger boy say it. 

“You know what I want,” Calum huffed, fingers digging into Ashton’s shoulder blades when the elder’s hips pushed forward again, providing delicious friction against his dick. He lifted one leg to wrap around Ashton’s back, pulling him impossibly closer. He wasn’t even inside him yet, and Calum was already feeling like he was on the edge. 

“Wanna hear you say it,” Ashton admitted lowly. His eyes fluttered every time Calum’s nails pressed crescents into his skin. 

The younger boy let out a quiet mix between a whine and a huff. “I want you inside me, Ashton. Don’t make me beg.” 

Ashton prepped the dark skinned boy slowly, knowing he had to be completely relaxed for the next step. They kissed languidly, lips sliding across swollen lips, tongues meeting in the middle. There was a fire building in Ashton’s chest, in his stomach, from the tips of his fingers where they disappeared inside Calum, to the ends of his toes. He felt weightless, like an out of body experience where he could see himself intertwined with the boy beneath him. He could see it from the outside- their tanned legs sliding against each other, every twitch of his hips to glide their cocks over each other, the flex of his arm as he prepped the younger boy- it was like watching art because they looked  _ good _ together. 

“You ready?” Ashton murmured, lips pressing against the space between Calum’s shoulder blades as he dragged his cock between the younger boy’s cheeks. Calum was on his knees with his arms and head against the mattress, allowing Ashton to slip in easily, and to blanket his body with his own. 

“Yes, yes, please, Ash,” Calum whimpered beneath him. Ashton found one of his hands and intertwined their fingers, grounding the younger boy as he pushed the head of his dick inside before stilling to allow him to get used to the feeling. 

They both let out a deep sigh once Ashton was fully inside, his hips pressed against Calum’s ass. He pulled out a little before giving a shallow thrust, making him groan deep in his throat, and Calum let out a fluttery moan. “You can go harder, if you want,” Calum mumbled. His words were a little slurred, a little broken from how fucked out he already felt, and the fact that half his face was pressed against the bed. 

Ashton pulled out until just his head was still inside, before pushing in all in one go- still slow, but began building speed with each thrust. Every time his cock was fully in, Calum’s moan filled the room. It was like a playlist he would always go back to on a lonely night: the beat of his skin hitting skin, the breathy moans from the younger boy muffled against the mattress, the grunt of his own voice against the skin of Calum’s back. 

“Ashton, I’m so close, can you-” Calum’s request was broken off into a moan as Ashton’s free hand circled around to fist his cock. Their hands gripped each other tightly as both boys got closer and closer to their high. “Ashton, fuck, I’m gonna come.” 

“Come for me, babe,” Ashton breathed against the back of his neck. Calum didn’t know if it was the intensity of the next thrust, or the hand on his cock, or the pet name that pushed him over the edge, but he was gone. 

He came with a loud cry, hips twitching into Ashton’s fist as spurts of cum dirtied the bed beneath him. His body tightened around Ashton, and he faintly felt the older boy’s thrusts become erratic as he reached his own orgasm. 

“Fuck, Calum,” Ashton groaned, stilling fully inside Calum as he came into the condom. Both boys breathed heavily as they came down from their highs, before Ashton slowly pulled out, and left Calum on the bed to clean himself off in the bathroom. 

“Here,” His soft voice started Calum from where he’d collapsed against the sheets, already nearly asleep. Ashton pressed a damp cloth into his hands, urging him to clean up. Calum’s face reddened as he reached between his legs to remove the excess lube and his own come before rolling up the cloth and passing it back to the waiting older boy. “Were you um, going to go back to your room?” 

Calum sat up, suddenly feeling foolish that he allowed himself to relax into the older boy’s bed. “I can, if you want me to.” 

“I don’t want you to.” 

The older boy was pink, and Calum didn’t think it was from the physical exertion from mere minutes ago.  He slowly lowered himself back onto the bed, and chewed his lower lip to halt the shy smile from spreading across his cheeks. “Yeah, okay. Then I’ll stay.” 

Ashton grinned in return, before leaning down to reach for his discarded boxers on the floor before sliding them up his long legs. He then found Calum’s and tossed them to the younger boy, watching with some kind of affectionate gaze as he lifted and wiggled his butt to pull them on. Calum found Ashton still staring, and finally allowed his lips to kink up into a smile. 

Ashton switched off the main light and noticed how the bathroom casted a soft glow upon the younger boy’s skin from where he basked against the stark white sheets. For a moment he considered leaving them on, just so he could stare at the tanned beauty in his bed, but remembered they should be going to bed, and promptly switched them off as well. 

“Quick, I don’t like the dark.” Calum called from the bed. 

“I’m coming, don’t worry,” Ashton chuckled, feeling around the room until his shin hit the edge of the bed. He crawled up, gently prodding until his hand met the younger boy’s legs beneath the covers. “Didn’t know you were such a baby.” 

“Oh fuck off,” Calum grumbled when Ashton’s body fell next to his, but he sounded a little relieved that the older boy had finally joined him. “Don’t be mean to me, I just made you come.” 

Ashton laughed out loud before settling down into the pillow. The bed shifted next to him, and he felt the tickle of Calum’s hair as his head butted gently against his shoulder. “G’night, Ashton.” 

The older boy’s hands anchored around the younger boy’s back, his fingers feathering against the broad expanse of skin. He felt good here, with Calum’s warm body tucked against his. His body was loose and satisfied after the good sex, and his heart was full. He couldn’t imagine how he would’ve felt if Calum decided to leave. “Goodnight.” 

-

The break after the end of the European leg of the tour was a godsend. Ashton was so incredibly happy to retire back to his apartment in LA for a week and get some quality rest and relaxation before they started it all over again in America. He was also happy he could have some quality bro (and maybe not so bro) time with his bandmate and roommate, Calum. (When everything had just happened between him and the younger boy, the fact that they lived together slipped his mind. Imagine if everything hadn’t worked out. He was glad they kind of did.) 

Before that, however, the band had to return to Australia for some Olympic promo with some of the Australian athletes. Ashton was glad to be there, glad he got to visit his mom and siblings for a little bit before jetting off again. It almost felt like he went back in time when he woke up in his own bed with the smell of toast and eggs coming from the kitchen. 

The flight back to California was long and tiresome. Ashton felt like he hardly slept at all, not with Luke next to him, who had to pee every other hour and  _ had _ to lean on Ashton when he slept. When they finally landed he was a grumpy, tired mess, who bristled up any time someone talked to loud or touched him, which made Calum scurry up to Michael’s side to avoid Ashton’s hostility as they left. 

He spent the first day at home in bed, sleeping late before waking up to get a quality skype session with his family. He got up to make himself food, and left some out for Calum in peace offering for his actions the day prior, before returning back to his room to nap again. 

It was almost the evening when Ashton’s bedroom door creaked open, and Calum poked his head through. A smile broke out on his face when he saw the older boy was awake. “Oh, finally. Every time I checked up on you, you were sleeping. Kinda thought you were dead.” 

He padded into Ashton’s room without invitation, gently shutting the door behind him. Ashton had been awake for a couple hours now after his nap. He was binging a show on netflix when the younger boy had interrupted, but gladly let him scoot in next to him on the bed. “Well thanks for making sure I wasn’t dead,” He snorted, allowing the younger boy to nuzzle against his bare chest. Ashton’s arms easily wrapped around him, as if it were second nature. He didn’t question how good they were together. 

“I knew you weren’t because you made food. Thank you for saving me some, by the way.” Calum said sincerely, flashing a toothy smile up at the older boy before smacking a kiss on the closest bit of skin he could reach. (It was Ashton’s jaw. It made him blush.)

The next day was another day inside, but the boys decided to leave the comfortable confines of the bedroom (only after Calum reached his hands inside Ashton’s basketball shorts, giggling when he realized he wasn’t wearing underwear, and promptly gave him a handjob that had Ashton moaning the other boy’s name into his mouth) to camp in the living room all day. Ashton finally opened and set up the Xbox that had been sitting beneath their TV for weeks, and the two boys played and shouted at Grand Theft Auto before Calum got bored and told the older boy to switch it to single player mode for himself. 

Calum pulled up snapchat, just because they hadn’t updated in awhile, and just cause he kind of wanted the world to see what he was lucky enough to wake up to every day, in a casual, bro kind of way. When he was bored of that, he tucked his phone away, before scooting closer to Ashton, and rested his head on the older boy’s thigh with a yawn. 

“You better not mess me up,” Ashton mumbled, focus mainly on his character on the screen. 

Calum looked up at him from his position. Ashton’s hair was curly and still a little messy from being in bed a good part of the day. He hadn’t shaved in a while, which meant a dark scruff of a beard was breaking out across his jaw line. The tip of his tongue was poking out from his lips, and his eyebrows were furrowed in concentration. He wasn’t even trying, and Calum never saw him so beautiful. 

But he couldn’t really think of him like that, because Ashton wanted sex and friendship like he wanted red and blue. Calum knew purple would be so much prettier. 

-  
  


“We should do something,” Calum spoke up one morning. It was nearing the end of their break and the two boys hadn’t done much. They went to a party one night in the city, but otherwise, lounged around at home. “Like leave the house and do something fun.” 

Ashton looked up from his breakfast with an idea in mind. He let himself finish chewing and swallowed before speaking. “You want to go down to that tattoo place with me?” 

The dark haired boy’s eyebrows shot up. “You want a tattoo?” 

“I already have two,” Ashton grumbled, flicking his wrists to examine the tally logo and heart. He looked back up at Calum. “But yeah, another. I’ve um, had the idea for a while. You want to come?” 

“If you need someone to hold your hand, you can just ask,” Calum joked, standing up to put his plate in the sink. “Yeah I’ll come, of course.” 

Once dressed, the two boys headed downtown to a shop they were familiar with. Ashton left Calum in the lobby to discuss with the artist what he wanted. The younger boy watched him gesture to the back of his neck before pulling a scrap of paper out of his pocket. The artist nodded, and Ashton shot Calum a thumbs up. 

The artist had Ashton lay on his stomach before he disinfected the area. Calum sat next to him, close enough to where Ashton could reach out and grab him, if he wanted. The buzz of the needle filled the room, and Calum watched the older boy’s muscles tense up all at once. Despite having two tattoos, Ashton was still a little scared of the idea. “Relax,” The artists murmured calmly. 

Calum found Ashton’s hand under the table, and didn’t have the heart to pester him when the older boy squeezed his fingers tightly. 

“How does it look?” Ashton asked once it was finished. The tattoo had taken a long time considering Ashton wanted it completely filled in. The artist had left the table for a moment to clean his equipment.  

“It looks really great, Ash,” Calum told him. “Is there a reason for it? Or just ‘cause it looked cool?” 

“I mean, kind of,” Ashton answered. His voice was quiet, so Calum squeezed his hand gently to urge him to continue. “Before the band and like, at the beginning of it all I was always kind of struggling. Always a little weighed down, you know? But now like, I feel better about myself, I’m happy where I am. I feel more free and, limitless, you know? Like a bird.” 

“That’s awesome,” Calum smiled. “I’m happy for you, man.” 

-

Calum came to Ashton’s room that night (“you know, to watch over you and make sure you don’t mess up your new ink”) once they had gotten home later and decided it was time for bed. Ashton has to sleep on his stomach so Calum laid next to him on his side. Half of Ashton’s face was smooshed into the pillow when he turned to look at the younger boy, which made them both giggle for a good minute. “I just wanted to say,” Calum began, after their laughter had died down. “If you’re ever feeling down about anything, you can talk to me.” 

“I know,” Ashton replied. He smiled a kind of happy, sleepy smile. The older boy kind of wanted to tell Calum everything, how some of the reason he was so much happier was because he was with Calum, not just sexually, but as his best friend too. He wanted to say how much he loved him, and how he possibly, maybe, in the smallest bit, could be  _ in _ love with him. He settled with, “Thanks, Cal.” 

“Anytime,” The younger boy smiled. 

Ashton had just begun dozing off when Calum’s laughter filled the air again. It was quiet, muffled, like he was trying to hide it. Ashton felt his finger gently prod the back of his neck. 

“Hey, hey, Ash. We’re soarin’, flyin’....” 

 

**Author's Note:**

> hey!! follow me on tumblr and talk to me about this fic or anything (cashton/muke stuff makes me rly happy) @ blesshemmings :-)


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